


Not Bittersweet

by flowerfan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Comfort, Established Relationship, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Post-CACW, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 15:05:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13504047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerfan/pseuds/flowerfan
Summary: They don’t talk much about it - Bucky sleeping on the floor, Steve’s nightmares, the way neither of them seem to look more than a week or two ahead.  Steve can see in Bucky’s eyes everything he needs to know.





	Not Bittersweet

Steve comes into their dark apartment as quietly as he can. He’s been away for a few days on a mission, and he’s glad to be home. He changes into his sleep pants and shirt and goes to the living room, trailing a throw blanket from the couch behind him.

Bucky is lying on the floor, curled up in front of the glass picture window, looking out over the sparkling city. Steve takes his accustomed place behind him, pillowing his head on one arm and wrapping the other around Bucky’s waist. When Bucky shifts back against him, his shoulders relaxing, Steve works his hand up under Bucky’s shirt until he can lay his palm flat against his chest. He spreads his fingers, feeling the soft hair, bumpy scars, and the incomprehensible edge of the metal that is seared into Bucky’s flesh. He presses, pulling Bucky against him.

Bucky exhales with an audible sigh, and his eyes flutter closed. Soon they are both asleep.

*****

They don’t talk much about it - Bucky sleeping on the floor, Steve’s nightmares, the way neither of them seem to look more than a week or two ahead. Steve can see in Bucky’s eyes everything he needs to know. 

Their teammates occasionally notice, and question Steve about it. There’s a slightly patronizing tone to their suggestions but Steve swallows it down, plasters his smile across his face and reassures them that all is well. It is. 

The serum keeps them both in good health, and any injury or illness is quickly addressed by the wonders of modern medicine tweaked for super soldiers by their personal team of physicians. They live in a spacious, well heated apartment, with clean running water and a kitchen that holds all the food their ample paychecks can buy. 

They even have a team, their well-meaning friends who invite them to dinners and movie nights and baseball games. 

Even if they didn’t have all that, though, all the overflowing bounty of being highly paid and carefully looked after, they have each other.

They had each other before, of course, and it was good then, too. But there’s something different now. Deeper. Stronger, running through their veins, bubbling up through their skin, merging together in a bond that has defied time. Sometimes when he’s holding Bucky, breathing into his hair as they lie together, Steve thinks that they are really just one person, neither fully content without the other. He’s always felt this way, but now he can accept it, revel in it. Enjoy it without fear or shame.

They’re coming up out of the subway one day when a pack of teenagers rushes by them on the stairs. They jostle against Steve, and Bucky reaches out to grab his arm, keep him steady. As they emerge onto the sunlit street Bucky slides his hand down Steve’s forearm and twines his fingers together with Steve’s, giving his hand a quick squeeze. They stay like that, holding hands like it was nothing, for the rest of the walk home. Bucky’s got a ball cap on and his hair swings around his face, but Steve can see the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Anyone who can’t see how happy they are simply doesn’t know how to look.

It doesn’t matter that Bucky still prefers simple meals, that mashed potatoes are his favorite food. They don’t need to eat sushi or jalapeño poppers to have a meaningful life, no matter how much shit they get from their friends.

They go on dates. _Dates._ Steve’s heart swells with joy every time, butterflies in his stomach and a smitten grin on his face. Bucky likes to dress up, put on the finely tailored suits they can now afford, trim his stubble and pull his hair back. With his sunglasses on and a silk scarf casually slung around his neck he looks like a model or a movie star. Steve stumbles to keep up, still surprised when he looks in the mirror, his body as impressive as Bucky’s to any onlooker. And they do get looks - admiring, fangirling, fawning. But they don’t mind. 

It’s still hard for Steve to believe, that they are here, together. Allowed to be together, even encouraged, by not just their friends but by a community that has confidence in their right to love each other. Bucky is still usually the one to reach out first, at a coffee shop or even on the couch while their team snarks and laughs around them. Bucky is so gentle with Steve, so careful. Bucky sees him, his fears and his dreams. To Steve, Bucky’s eyes hold the world. Steve falls into them sometimes, blissfully adrift. 

Despite Bucky’s affinity for sleeping on the floor, it’s not as if they never make use of the bed. It’s huge, covered in a down comforter that feels like a dream, encased in cool white sheets. They’re tucked under the covers one night, reading, when Bucky squirms a little closer. Bucky wraps a cold foot around Steve’s ankle, lets a hand drift over to Steve’s side. Steve keeps on reading for a few minutes, enjoying the feeling of Bucky’s fingers stroking back and forth over the jut of his hip, barely hinting at more, and then sets his book down and turns to Bucky. His cool blue eyes gaze back at Steve, and Steve smiles, giddy with love. 

Bucky puts his hand on Steve’s cheek and guides them together. Steve loves the way Bucky kisses, tender and slow, as if they have all the time in the world. He’s always been this way, patient, despite all the reasons they might have had to move things along. Bucky’s tongue darts out and Steve lets him in, moaning softly against his lips.

They kiss and kiss for what seems like an eternity, hands roaming, stroking over muscles and scarred skin, metal and flesh. They pause to strip off their clothes, and Steve turns on his stomach, letting Bucky kiss down his back. Steve loves the feeling of having Bucky surround him, hand squeezing his ass, chest draped over his body, Steve’s face pressed into the pillow. He hums in pleasure, reaches back and grabs on to Bucky’s thigh, holding him close.

After fully worshipping Steve’s backside, Bucky shifts Steve up a little, gets his flesh hand around Steve’s cock and gives it a few firm tugs. 

It feels amazing, just right, heating him up like a flame. Soon Steve is breathing harder, pleasure coursing through him. He can feel Bucky rutting lazily against his ass. When Steve feels like he’s just about to burst Bucky breaks off from tending to Steve’s cock and rolls them together, capturing Steve’s mouth in a sensuous kiss. He plays with Steve’s nipples, first with his fingers and then with his tongue, but gives Steve’s cock only an occasional stroke to let it know it’s still in the game. Steve loves it. He’s a whimpering mess of desire and desperate happiness, squirming and shuddering and repeating Bucky’s name over and over. 

Finally Bucky takes pity on him, and with a smirk and a last wet kiss, moves down Steve’s body and takes Steve’s aching cock in his mouth. Steve comes so fast his head spins, hands clenching at Bucky’s mismatched shoulders.

When he can breathe again, Steve reaches for Bucky, but Bucky just presses gentle kisses to Steve’s cheek and jaw and then pulls him tight against his chest. Bucky doesn’t always come, when they’re together like this. He didn’t even used to get hard, at first, although that has been changing. Just something else HYDRA took from him. But it doesn’t diminish the joy they feel, the light in Bucky’s eyes when they hold each other close, the sweet words of praise and love they exchange when there’s nothing else between them.

Steve eventually gets up to shower and change. He takes his time, knowing Bucky is doing the same in the other bathroom. Because of course they have two bathrooms.

When he comes out, clad in flannel pants and a thin sweatshirt, he goes straight to the living room, blanket in hand. This time Bucky’s got a couch cushion under his head, and Steve slides one arm underneath it as he curls up behind Bucky. He buries his nose in Bucky’s freshly washed hair, gathers his lover close, and feels him relax. They are unquestionably, undeniably happy, in this safe place they have unexpectedly found themselves. All is right with their world.

**Author's Note:**

> It's rare fic of mine without a single word of dialogue. I hope you like it!


End file.
